Equality is a loaded word within today's culture. It's almost always associated with politics, often with volatile response. That's not the equality I'm referring to, although both types affect one another. Instead, I'm speaking of gender roles and responsibilities.
I'm a man. Well, I'd like to be one. I have a lot of work to do in order to achieve manhood. True manhood. Most men aren't men at all. They might do things that our culture defines as "manly", but that doesn't mean they're mature. Promiscuity, self-indulgence, hubris, selfishness, and aggressiveness are not what exists in the heart of a true man. A man is loyal and values the people closest to him and respects others. He defends and he honors while thinking before acting. He sacrifices his time and resources for the sake of those he loves. He admits his faults and apologizes when he's wrong. He listens and has sensitivity. He respects and honors femininity while appreciating and cherishing it. These are the things a man should aspire to.
Unfortunately, we don't. Guys look at these things as touchy-feely and more in the nature of a woman. And that's exactly the problem with guy culture. It's indicative of how complacent we've become. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high? Really? Rather than make the effort to better ourselves, we make excuses. We resign ourselves to an existence of mediocrity and romanticize it and say that it's okay. And women accept it as being okay. No, it's not.
My dad is a model of true manhood. He isn't perfect and we quite frequently don't see eye to eye, but I don't doubt the quality of his character. He works hard to provide for his family, sacrificing his time and his resources so we could (and can) live comfortably. He's respectful of others. He treats women as a true man should. He makes mistakes, but he has the humility to own up to it. He loves my mom with everything in him. He helped raise my siblings and I and did a fair job of it. I love my father dearly. If I ever become half the man he is, I'll be grateful.
Likewise, my mother fits the definition of a woman. It's in her nature to be nurturing. She works hard. She put her energies into raising us. She valued her children enough to choose them over a career or just making extra cash. She sacrificed time and what little money she had to provide. She cultivated our character and taught us values. She kept us healthy. In matters where my dad is totally clueless, she takes the lead. She loves my dad and respects him and appreciates what he does for her.
Some of you who read the previous paragraph might be infuriated and feel that, in comparison, my mom is depicted as contributing less. And you would be absolutely wrong. In fact, spend a day with any decent mother and you'll discover how incredibly hard-working they can be. Women work hard, but they do it in a different way.
Allow me to reference scripture.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." -Ephesians 5:22-24
Okay, so this sounds like scripture is telling women that they are below men and are there to be glorified slaves. But keep reading.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." -Ephesians 5:25
Now we have some context. The first passage instructs women to submit to their husbands, but the second passage commands men to love their wives just like Christ loved the church. Christ submitted himself to the Church. He sacrificed himself and humbled himself for the Church. He died for the church.
Just like it says wives should submit to their husbands, husbands should submit to their wives. They are just different in their ways. Not one better or lesser than the other. Allow me to make another comparison. The brain and the heart are two of the most important organs in the human body. One cannot survive without these organs. Yet they perform very different functions.
We shouldn't resist or belittle our gender roles, but embrace them. No one is perfect, but no one should expect to be. We should still acknowledge the strengths of each sex and utilize them. I don't know when I'll achieve true manhood. I also don't know when my future wife will become a woman in the eyes of God. I do know, however, what I should aspire to be and that's enough for now.
-L. Travis Hoffman
1/14/2015
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